242
by crazysockmonkeys
Summary: Based on the Wings episode "Four Dates that Will Live in Infamy." Roz comes to Nantucket and decides it might be fun to be someone else...just for one night. One-shot.


**Author's note: This story is based off the fact that Peri Gilpin guest starred on an episode of Wings (the one I mentioned in the summary) as Brian's date, Barbara #242. I've always liked that episode, even before I started watching Frasier, it's awesome! Well anyway, enjoy and happy reading!**

* * *

As Roz stepped off the plane, she couldn't help but smile flirtatiously at her hunky pilot. He only waved politely back to her. So much for him, Roz thought.

The small Nantucket airport was nothing like the airport in Seattle or any other place in the world she had been. It was...tiny, just like the plane she had just flown on. Sandpiper Air- even the name screamed miniscule.

Once she was in the airport, she glanced around for Sharon, and when she had found her she walked over to her and they embraced.

"Sharon, hi!" said Roz. "It's great to see you!"

"You too, Roz. You want to get something to eat?"

"Sure. What sounds good?"

"Well, there's a lunch counter right over there." Sharon motioned to counter in the corner of the terminal, being manned by a short blonde woman talking to an older lady who was sitting down drinking a cup of coffee.

"Sounds find to me," Roz said.

She and Sharon sat down at one of the tables and the woman came right over to them. "Hi, my name is Helen. What can I get for you guys today?" she said with a slight southern accent.

After they had ordered, Helen left and went into the kitchen.

"How was your flight?" Sharon asked.

"Which one?" Roz asked with a smile.

"The one from Boston to here."

"Interesting. I had a really hot pilot."

"You should have asked him out."

"He didn't seem interested."

"You could've gone for it anyways."

"Yeah. Anyway, what do you want to do today?"

"Well Roz, since it's your first time on Nantucket, I thought I'd show you around."

"You ever get tired of living on a small island like this?"

"Not really. It's no worse than our hometown in Wisconsin, and it isn't like I don't meet new people all the time. In fact, I think I'm going to try this new video dating service. It's a hundred and fifty bucks, but I think I might be able to swing it."

With that, Helen came out of the kitchen with their food, and then left went back to the counter.

"Video dating service?" Roz said. "That sounds like fun. You know what, we should do that this week! It would at least give us something to do."

"That sounds like a good idea. I know where the place is, we can go over there when we're done eating."

In the car, Roz's imagination began to spin. She was only in town for a week; why not make up an alias when she did her video? She could be someone completely different; she could be who she always had wanted to be.

Her name would be Barbara, and she'd be what she had dreamed about since she was a teenager- a real career woman. It wasn't that she didn't have a career now, but she worked at a radio station, and not even as a producer for any particular show. She could now be a firm woman devoted to her job.

She told Sharon about her plan, and though she thought it sounded like an interesting idea, she decided to just stick to being herself.

An hour later, Roz sat in front of the camera, as a woman with thick glasses and long, curly hair sat in the back.

"Alright. We'll start with your name, what you do for a living, and how long you've lived on the island."

Roz sighed, brushing her red hair away from her face. She smiled, and then began to speak confidently.

"My name is Barbara...Chesterton," she began, thinking about Gil Chesterton, the new food critic at KACL. "I work as a stockbroker and I was born and raised here on Nantucket."

She took a deep breath, trying to sink deeper into the character she had only just created. This was so thrilling and it made her feel so alive, so much different from her flat, predictable life in Seattle.

"Thank you," said the woman. "What do you look for in an ideal date?"

"He'd have to be attractive of course," Roz said, letting her true personality slip for a moment. She laughed a low throaty laugh, trying to sound tough. "He needs to be a real man's man, you know? He's gotta know how to stick up for himself. He needs to be smooth, gallant...fierce." She couldn't help but smile as she said the words. She felt like a genius.

"What kind of personality are you looking for?"

"I need a man who's outspoken, he isn't afraid to tell you EXACTLY what he's thinking. He'd have to be fearless, ready to laugh in the face of a struggle."

"When they film your life story, who's gonna play you?"

"I'm not really into movies. I'd much prefer a novel or reality."

"Are you a risk taker?"

"Definitely. I'm not afraid of a little chance."

"What zodiac sign are you?"

"Leo," Roz said off the top of her head.

"What would you consider to be your most negative quality?"

"I can be a little demanding, and those who can't take that should look elsewhere."

"When is it okay to lie?"

Roz didn't know the answer to this one herself, not to mention what Barbara's answer would be.

"When there is no other choice." She said, with a doubtful tone in her voice that she feared showed on the tape.

"What do you consider to be the sexiest body part?"

"Butt," she said without thinking.

The questions went on for a few more minutes until finally she was finished. She waited in the main office for Sharon, and once she was done they got in the car and left.

Two days later, both Roz and Sharon got a call from the video dating service, saying someone had expressed interest in their tapes. When they got there, they went into two different rooms and watched the tape.

Roz's was Brian #459, at Sandpiper Air, the very same airline she had used to get there. He seemed like kind of a jerk, but he was attractive and for the moment she didn't really care. She'd dated worse.

Not only that, Brian #459 seemed perfect for Barbara #242, and wasn't that really what mattered?

She called Brian and they made a date for that night. On the way back to Sharon's house, she told Roz all about her date for that night, Lowell #147.

"I'll be honest, he didn't seem like the smartest guy in the world, but he seemed sweet, you know? Pleasant. I think we'll have a good time together."

Roz only nodded, thinking for the first time about how she was going to pull off playing someone else for an entire evening. She had never even acted before, how was this going to work?

She told herself that nothing could go wrong, that as long as she kept track of everything she told Brian, she'd be fine. _Worst-case scenario,_ thought Roz, _everything falls apart and I tell him the truth. Who knows, maybe he'll like me._

And that night, as Roz put on the fanciest, classiest thing she had, did her hair and makeup, and was so nervous it was almost as if she were about to go onstage. She but her beeper in her pocket and left for the restaurant they had decided to meet at.

Once she had arrived, she spotted Brian straight away. He was wearing a purple short with a randomly printed tie that in no way matched. When he saw her he stood up and greeted her, checking her out from head to toe. Roz was used to that.

She sat down across the table and she and Brian smiled at each other. They were silent for a second, not knowing where to start or what to say. Finally, Roz blurted, "Well, it's a nice place here."

"Yeah, yeah," Brian said. "It's one of my favorite places. I always take my...more interesting dates to places like this."

Please, Roz thought. "Oh, come on," said Barbara, smiling. "Tell me you're not just blowing air up my skirt."

"Maybe I am," he said smugly. "Maybe I just find you very attractive."

Roz wanted to roll her eyes. "Thank you for noticing. Tell me, about your job, Brian. I'm always curious about how people work."

"Well, I work at a small, one-plane airline, Sandpiper Air, with my brother Joe, and we split up the flights."

"And how is that, working with your brother?"

"It can be very frustrating, especially when Joe won't stop nagging me all the time. I say you don't have to be organized and "responsible" to be successful, but Joe, Joe says that everything has to be a certain way or else nothing works."

"It could be worse. You could be exactly like your brother. Imagine how annoying that would be."

"Yeah, I guess you're right. Uh, tell me about your job."

"It's very demanding and stressful, but I can take all of that. Stockbroking is difficult, but you learn to deal with it."

At that moment, Roz's beeper went off and she jumped up. It barely ever beeped, what was going on? She worried it might have been a family emergency, and the radio station was trying to contact her with information.

"Uh...do you need to find a phone?" Brian asked.

"Yeah, yeah," Barbara said. "I'll be right back."

Roz went to the phone and called KACL, but no one answered. She rolled her eyes and went back to the table.

All through dinner, she found it hard to completely stay in character. Her real personality kept wanting to show, and she knew she could not let it. Not only that, her beeper kept going off, and every time she went to the phone nobody answered it. It was driving her insane.

She found Brian to be quite annoying. For most of the meal he was not looking at her face but what lied about a foot below it, and in general he was not gifted at carrying a conversation.

They went for a walk after dinner and the beeper went off several times. At first she decided to ignore it, but soon she couldn't any longer.

"I need a phone," she said flatly.

"Yeah, you've needed one all night," said Brian, annoyed.

"Don't take the tone with me, buddy, or I'll toss your butt into the ocean."

"Hey, don't you threaten me!"

"Put a sock in it!" Barbara screamed. Roz herself was getting annoyed.

She saw a payphone out of the corner of her eye and ran for it, even though there was someone in it. Barbara ran up and pounded on the door with her clenched fist.

"Come on, let's go hoss, I've got business to take care of!" she screamed.

"Hold your water, I'll be done in a minute," said the man.

"Can-can-can we please, maybe, find another phone?" Brian asked.

"And while we're doing that the Nikkei index could be diving like a kamikaze! I've got to find out how the yen is doing!" Roz had truly reached the end of her rope. She turned back to the phone booth and pounded on it some more. "Come on! Baby Huey! You can order your steroids some other time!"

Brian pulled her away from the booth and said to her, "Hey, lighten up. This guy doesn't look opposed to taking a life."

Roz knew that he was right, but Barbara didn't. "Oh, get real. He's just a Neanderthal with an overactive pituitary!" She ran to the phone booth, yelling, "Let's go, Conan! Give it up!" Brian pulled her away once more as the man in the booth opened the door.

"What's the problem?" he asked calmly.

Brian shrugged. "No problem," he said.

"Yes there is," Roz began. "I have a beeper to answer and every minute you're on that phone could be costing me money."

"Like I care," the man said.

"Oh, come on, blondie, why don't you just jump on your scooter and go look for your neck!" Roz meant that one.

"You better shut her up," said the guy to Brian.

"Hey, I've been trying all day," he said, smiling.

With that, he grabbed Brian by the neck and Roz was almost glad to see it happen. "Just do it," he said, and he pushed him back over to Roz.

"So, you're just going to let him push us around. What kind of man are you?" Roz flashed back to Barbara's video, where she said that she wanted a real man. Brian didn't seem like what she had been looking for.

"I'll put it to you this way, I'm not half the man you are." She had to remind herself that his words were not for her.

Her beeper went off again. "I need a PHONE!" she screamed.

"I think we both know what you need," Brian said.

"Then what am I doing her with you?" she asked, and meant it. In her rage, she kicked the man's bike and walked off.

Roz wasn't one to cry, but she almost felt like it as she strolled away. She had been stupid to try something like this. She was angry, upset, and still in shock over what had happened.

She had promised to meet Sharon at a little restaurant called The Club Car after their dates, and she supposed she would either have to walk or call a cab. Her feet ached from the shoes she was wearing, so she called for taxi.

When the car stopped and Roz got in, she sighed deeply and told the driver where she wanted to go.

He looked at her in his rear-view mirror and said with an Italian accent, "Hey, aren't you Barbara #242?"

"Yes and no. It's sort of a long story."

"Well, I'm all ears, baby."

"Alright. Well, my real name is Roz Doyle, and I'm from Seattle."

"I'm Antonio. Anyway, go on."

"I'm just here visiting my friend Sharon and we decided to do this dating video thing. We thought it would be fun. I thought it would be sort of sexy if I pretended to be someone else on the video, so I did."

"Did you go out with Brian Hackett?"

"Yeah. How did you know that?"

"I get most of my business at the airport."

"Well, he was a slime bag."

"He does tend to be sort of a womanizer." He chuckled, as if he were fond of that side of him.

"He was a total pain in the butt."

They were silent for a while. Roz was biting back the tears.

"Hey, are you okay?" Antonio asked.

"Yeah, just a little upset. I don't usually cry like this."

"It's okay to cry," he said. "In fact, I do it myself a lot. Listen, no matter what's bothering you, remember, you can't get worse than my life. I drive a run-down cab, and I'm alone. I've got so many money problems I cannot count them, and my family lives in Italy. I don't know you, but you seem like a nice girl. Surely you have things better than you think."

"Thank you, Antonio."

"Hey, you're welcome. It's been a slow business day and I'm always in the mood for a talker."

He stopped and there in front of Roz was the Club Car. She said goodbye to the driver and stepped out, still stinging from her experience but feeling much better.

Sharon was already waiting for her inside. She sat down next to her and ordered a big drink.

"How'd it go for you?" she asked.

"Lowell was nice enough. Just a little...odd."

Roz was still holding her drink. "Well, Brian was a toad," she said.

"Really?"

"A real pantywaist."

Her beeper went off again. Frustration rose inside of her again.

"I'll be right back," she said to Sharon.

She got up and began to walk towards the payphone. "Hey," she called to the waiter, "Jumpin' Jack Flash- two more of the same, only this time spill a little into the glass."

When she called the station, there was still no answer. She slammed down the phone and went back to the table, trying to remember Antonio's words to make her feel better.

It wasn't so bad for Roz when she returned to Seattle. She realized that she liked herself a lot better than she liked Barbara Chesterton, even if being a successful stockbroker who was tough as nails. Even though it wasn't much of a glorious life, Roz was ready to accept it.

**...five years later**

"Have you ever pretended do be someone else, Frasier?"

"What do you mean, Roz?"

"Like, have you ever gone to a different place and pretended to be a completely different person?"

"No," Frasier said. "But I'm getting a feeling that you have."

Roz smiled and took a sip of her coffee. It was a quiet day at Cafe Nervosa, and Roz and Frasier were among the only people inside. Roz had thought about what had happened to her on Nantucket five years ago during the show, and she was almost eager to tell Frasier to get his opinion.

"Yeah," she said.

"Are you going to tell me about it or just sit there and stare at me?"

"Well, about five years back I went to Nantucket."

"Five years ago?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Lilith and I went to Nantucket in that same year, 1992."

"Huh, that's weird. So anyway, I was there visiting my friend Sharon..."

"We flew in on a small airline, Sandpiper Air."

"So did I. Sharon told me about this video dating service..."

"Did you meet a blonde waitress named Helen Chappell?"

"I don't know, maybe! Would you just let me tell my story?"

"Oh course, Roz, go on."

She told him everything, and though she could tell he wasn't entirely interested, he listened.

"Well...I think that's very interesting, Roz."

"Really?"

"Yes. You learned from experience that we are better off as we are than to have changed ourselves. It almost puts me in mind of a psychiatric exercise in which one..."

"Goodbye, Frasier," said Roz, getting up from the table and walking out of the cafe.

* * *

**The End**


End file.
